March 15, 2022 at 5:25 pm

The key to a great sex life is finding out what works for you now

The key to a great sex life is finding out what works for you now

You might not be as comfortable with some sexual positions as you once were, but that doesn’t mean you need to give up an activity that is pleasurable for you-and miss out on feeling close to your partner.

Keep in mind that it’s not all about intercourse or recreating the way things were when you were younger. Sex as you age may call for some creativity. Use the following ideas as inspiration, but don’t be afraid to come up with your own.

Experiment. Try sexual positions that you both find comfortable and pleasurable, taking changes into account. For men, if erectile dysfunction is an issue, try sex with the woman on top, as hardness is less important. For women, using lubrication can help.

Expand what sex means. Holding each other, gentle touching, kissing, and sensual massage are all ways to share passionate feelings. Try oral sex or masturbation as fulfilling substitutes to intercourse.

Change your routine. Simple, creative changes can improve your sex life. Change the time of day when you have sex to a time when you have more energy. For example, try being intimate in the morning rather than at the end of a long day.

Foreplay. Because it might take longer for you or your partner to become aroused, take more time to set the stage for romance, such as a romantic dinner or an evening of dancing. Or try connecting first by extensive touching or kissing.

Playfulness. Being playful with your partner is important for a good sex life at any age, but can be especially helpful as you age. Tease or tickle your partner-whatever it takes to have fun. With the issues you may be facing physically or emotionally, play may be the ticket to help you both relax.

Restarting a stalled sex drive

Some older adults give up having a sex life due to emotional or medical challenges. But the vast majority of these issues do not have to be permanent. You can restart a stalled sex drive-and get your sex life back in motion. Remember that maintaining a sex life into your senior years is a matter of good health. Try thinking of sex as something that can keep you in shape, both physically and mentally.

Sex drives can be naturally stalled as you face the realities of aging, but it is possible to overcome these bumps in the road

The path to satisfying sex as you age is not always smooth. Understanding the problems can be an effective first step to finding solutions.

Emotional obstacles. Stress, anxiety, and depression can affect your interest in sex and your ability to become aroused. Psychological changes may even interfere with your ability to connect emotionally with your partner.

Body image. As you notice more wrinkles or gray hair, or become aware of love handles or cellulite, you may feel less attractive to your partner. These feelings can make sex less appealing, and can cause you to become less interested in sex.

Low self-esteem. Changes at work, retirement, or other major life changes may leave you feeling temporarily uncertain about your sense of purpose. This can undermine your self-esteem and make you feel less attractive to others.

Worry over “performance.” Worrying about how you will perform, or whether you are worthy of sexual attention from your partner, can lead to impotence in men and lack of arousal or orgasm in women. This may be a problem you have never before had to face.

Communicate. Talk to your partner, or to a friend or counselor, about your issues, whether they’re physical or emotional. Explain the anxieties you are feeling, ask for and accept reassurance, and continue the conversation as things come up.

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